how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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