listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
