i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
