i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
