he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
