and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
