...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just cropdusted the office
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
