i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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