i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
