Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
