i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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