I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
