and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I could fuck to npr.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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