Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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