just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
