The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
