oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
