I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
