Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
