You're completely useless in the revolution.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
