even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
