I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
