is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
