all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
