at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
