she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
