I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
