I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
