I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
