Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
