well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
