Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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