she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
