After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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