its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
