I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just cropdusted the office
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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