Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
