Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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