I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
