Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Boobs are out for the taking
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
