Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
