he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
