you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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