it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
