White coat. Heels.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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