I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
