I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
