I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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