A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
