I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
