I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
