If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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