U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
