My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
