the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
